...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
