And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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