So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
