Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
