Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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