Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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