I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
