Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
She needs sedatives and a leash
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
