what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
