YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize