i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
