I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
