How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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