So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
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I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
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I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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