I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
