I feel like abortions should bother me more
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
