I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
