Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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