i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
50% drunk capacity currently
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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