She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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