I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
