i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
