My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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