I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
