Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
