he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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