And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I AM VODKA MAN
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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