dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
