Please, let me fuck your mom
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
