Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
