Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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