Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize