Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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