tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
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He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
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yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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