pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
