Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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