When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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