My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
