dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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