Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
