I'm really into asian looking animals
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I will pee on everything he values.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
