just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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