You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
