Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
