I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
cat food counts as protein by the way
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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