i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
