Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
