She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
