I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
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I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
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oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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