my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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