i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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