There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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