Buhtt sex?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
