Swine flu is the new snow day.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
