ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
