dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
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He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
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Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize