Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.