get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
