Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
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I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
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We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.