Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.