Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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