He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
