somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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