By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
