White coat. Heels.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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