this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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