Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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