We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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