I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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