My cat gives me a boner
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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