you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I enjoy the company of your penis
Omg I joined a choir last night...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
