Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
wow bdsm is so cute
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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