just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
