his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
