there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
