I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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